Imagine that you are in a warm, inviting room with soft lighting. You sit across from someone who’s really attentive. Marriage and family therapists are magicians.
The therapy profession is multifaceted. A therapist can be both a coach and detective. Imagine you and your partner are in an argument about who is going to take out the garbage. Your therapist suddenly intervenes, like an umpire at a baseball game. He calls for a short break to prevent things from becoming too chaotic – extra resources.
You’re decoding emotive cryptic messages from your partner in a matter of seconds. You’ll then be taken through family dynamics that are so complicated, even Shakespeare wouldn’t understand them.
Families can be compared to puzzle pieces. When put together, each puzzle piece has a unique shape and color. When you work with a therapist, all you can see are jagged edges.
Let’s talk about kids for a moment. Anyone ever tried to reason with an adolescent? You can try putting jelly on the wall. You’d be amazed at how well therapists bridge generations. The frustrations of teenagers can be understood by parents and vice versa.
A friend once described to me the first therapy session she ever had with her family. She described it as being like peeling layers of onion with tears. It wasn’t easy, but their bond was strengthened by the end.
What happens next? You may be sceptical because you have only heard of horror stories or believed that therapy was just for others. It’s not necessary to trust me. It’s not some TV show-like process. Science, reality and empathy are the foundations of real life.
Imagine that you walk into therapy feeling like the world is on your shoulders. You may leave therapy with some newfound strategies and a release of old baggage.
Therapists do not possess magical wands, although it would be cool. Therapists don’t have magic wands (though it would be nice).
How about that old saying, Rome was not built in a day? Families and relationships are no different. Relationships and families are no exception. They require patience, time and effort.
Let’s bust another myth while we’re at it. Therapy isn’t just about fixing what’s broken; it involves strengthening all that works. Think of your therapy like an upgrade to your relationship, repairing problems while adding new features.
Imagine building a house without any plan. Imagine a house without a plan. There would be doors and walls everywhere. The therapist can provide you with the blueprints to build a stronger home foundation and create a harmonious atmosphere.
Humor is also important. The best medicine is laughter. Telling jokes during a serious conversation will help to lighten the mood and increase tolerance.
When suddenly everything makes sense, this is a “hooray!” moment. This is done by asking questions to make you think about yourself and how you relate with others.
This is like Gandalf bringing Frodo to Middle-Earth without the annoying orcs.
Do not sneer or think someone is crazy if they mention family therapy or marriage counseling. It could be that they are using it to keep their ship afloat in rough waters.
Relationships are human.